Why children should carry their mother’s last name
The case for matrilineal naming
As we celebrate National Women’s Day, I find myself reflecting on how far we’ve come—and how much further we still have to go. Women have fought for the right to vote, the right to work, the right for education, the right to control our own bodies, and yet, there are still everyday traditions that subtly erase us from history. One of the biggest? The fact that children generally take their father’s last name.
It’s something so ingrained in society that most of us never really question it. But why, in a world where women carry, birth, and nurture their children, take on a disproportion of the shared and mentally draining labour, do we so easily hand over their identity to someone who, biologically speaking, has experienced none of that process? Why is the mother’s name—the person who endured pregnancy, labor, postpartum and so much more—so often forgotten?
On a day dedicated to celebrating women’s contributions to society, it’s time to start questioning traditions that quietly reinforce outdated power structures. What if, instead of automatically giving our children their father’s last name, we passed down our own? What if we recognized our own legacy, our own sacrifice, and our own biological connection to the children we bring into this world?
Let’s talk about why this simple change matters more than we think.
The Physical & Emotional Toll of Motherhood
Motherhood is one of the most physically demanding experiences a human can endure, yet the immense changes a woman’s body undergoes are often dismissed the moment the child is born and given the father’s last name. The transformation begins long before birth and lasts for years—affecting every aspect of a woman’s body, mind, and identity.
But the toll of motherhood isn’t just physical—it reshapes the brain, identity, and emotions in profound ways. Postpartum depression and anxiety affect many women due to the drastic hormonal shifts after birth, sometimes even escalating into postpartum psychosis. The brain itself physically shrinks and rewires during pregnancy and postpartum, enhancing maternal instincts but often leading to memory issues, brain fog, and emotional instability. Sleep deprivation further compounds these struggles, leaving many new mothers in a state of constant exhaustion that weakens cognitive function, immune response, and overall well-being.
Perhaps most strikingly, society places an unspoken expectation on women to sacrifice their personal identities in motherhood. The shift from individual to caregiver is monumental, yet often unacknowledged, leading to struggles around independence, career progression, and self-worth. While fatherhood brings its own changes, the physical and psychological impact on men is nowhere near as profound as what women endure.
Motherhood is not just about bringing life into the world—it’s a complete transformation of the body and mind, one that deserves far more recognition than a name erased at birth.
The Science of Motherhood: The Baby Stays With You (Forever)
A mother’s connection to her child isn’t just emotional—it’s deeply biological. In the first two years of life, this bond is even more profound, as infants instinctively connect with their mothers first. A mother’s scent, heartbeat, and voice regulate the baby’s nervous system, providing a foundation for emotional security and development. Meanwhile, the postpartum period brings intense mental and physical changes, rewiring a mother’s brain in ways that reshape her identity, priorities, and even cognitive function. While fatherhood certainly brings psychological shifts, the transformation that happens in a mother’s body and mind is unparalleled. Given this lifelong biological imprint, doesn’t it seem only natural that children should carry their mother’s last name—not their father’s?
The History of Patrilineal Naming
So why do children take their father’s last name? Because history is written by men.
Patriarchal Naming Systems: A Legacy of Male Dominance
For centuries, patrilineal descent (tracing lineage through the male line) has been the default across many cultures. This wasn’t just about tradition—it was about power and control. Naming a child after the father ensured that family wealth, land, and status remained in the hands of men, reinforcing patriarchal structures.
Property & Power: A Tool of Ownership
In many historical societies, women and children were legally considered property of the husband/father. The surname functioned as a branding mechanism, marking the child as belonging to the paternal family. Women, who were often denied the right to own property or inherit wealth, had no say in passing down their lineage.
Colonialism & Religion Reinforced It
Many matrilineal societies once existed—particularly in Indigenous, African, and Southeast Asian cultures—where children took their mother’s name. However, colonialism and organized religion systematically erased these customs, enforcing patrilineal naming to align with European and religious legal systems. But we no longer live in a time where men "own" their children or where women are mere extensions of their husbands. It’s time to change the system.
The Hypothetical Impact of Matrilineal Naming on Society
If we were to shift to a world where mothers’ last names were the default, it wouldn’t just be a symbolic change—it would fundamentally reshape social structures, gender dynamics, and power distribution in society. Here’s how:
1. A Shift in Power & Legacy: Rebalancing Lineage
For centuries, legacy and lineage have been intrinsically tied to male identity, allowing men to pass down their names, wealth, and social status. By defaulting to the mother’s last name, we would be rebalancing this power dynamic.
Women’s family names would hold historical weight instead of being erased with every new generation.
Inheritance and wealth transmission could shift, allowing women to establish stronger generational ties and economic legacies.
2. Women’s Identities Would Be More Valued
Currently, many women experience a loss of identity after motherhood, as their individuality is often overshadowed by their roles as caregivers. If children bore their mother’s last name, it would:
Affirm that a mother’s role is just as significant.
Reduce the expectation that women must automatically adopt their husband’s name in marriage, leading to greater autonomy in identity.
3. The Psychological Impact on Women & Men
This shift wouldn’t just change how women are perceived—it would also force men to reconsider their role in parenting.
Some men might feel disempowered, as patrilineal naming has historically been a sign of control and dominance. But over time, it could help reshape fatherhood as an active role rather than a symbolic name-carrier.
Women, in contrast, would feel more ownership over their children’s futures, reinforcing their vital role as the ones who physically and emotionally bring children into the world.
4. Economic & Workplace Benefits for Women
If maternal surnames became the norm, we might see ripple effects in economic and workplace policies.
More Investment in Women’s Health: The acknowledgment of mothers as the primary lineage holders could lead to increased funding for maternal health, postpartum care, and reproductive research.
More Female Representation in Leadership: If women are recognized as key figures in family structures, it may encourage more women to step into leadership roles in business, law, and politics, shattering that glass-ceiling.
5. Breaking Generational Gender Conditioning
One of the most powerful long-term effects of matrilineal naming would be the subconscious shift in how children grow up perceiving gender roles.
Girls would grow up seeing their mother’s name carried forward, reinforcing the idea that women’s identities matter and are not secondary to men’s.
The expectation that women must yield to men in lineage, identity, and legacy would slowly dissolve, leading to broader gender equality in all aspects of life.
Final Thoughts: This Is About More Than a Name
On National Women’s Day, let’s honor the women who came before us by making changes that truly recognize our worth. Taking the mother’s last name isn’t just a symbolic gesture—it’s a statement that women’s sacrifices, contributions, and legacies matter.
So if you’re a mother-to-be, a woman questioning traditions, or someone who simply believes in fairness, I encourage you to challenge the norm. Because the names we pass on should reflect the people who truly shape our lives.
Let’s start rewriting the rules—one name at a time. 💛